Monday, April 16, 2007

Spring Break at Daytona? Bring it!

I remember when Spring Break meant driving from Florida to Michigan to sit in my friend Julie's parents' house watching TV and eating baklava. I remember when Spring Break meant going to New York City for the first time, living off popovers from a coffee shop, sleeping on the floor of a friend of friend's dorm room at Juilliard, seeing Gregory Hines in Jelly's Last Jam from the top row of Broadway's Virginia Theatre.

Wow. Those were the days.

This break -- which I'd like to say was intentional but was really more akin to sloth and sickness taking hold like a snapping turtle whose head you have to pop to release, but hey, isn't that cute? A snapping turtle attached to my hand? And why not just lie here on the coach in a fever-induced delirium and watch that turtle eat away at my fingers? Sounds great! -- was not that fun. It was more like having all four of your wisdom teeth cracked out by your dentist and suffering from mind-numbing pain. Oh, yeah, I remember a spring/summer break taken up by that, too.

So, I'm back. Here, at least, with nothing much exciting to report except these paltry discoveries:
1: Acupuncture? It freaking hurts. And the (my special formulas) herbs taste like ass. And make my house smell like ass.
2: Martha? The TV show? Just an excuse in cross-platform advertising akin to those techniques Carter Duryea thought up when high on Starbucks and desperate to pretend that he knew what the hell he was doing. So THAT's where Carter was jogging to! Not down a lovely beach! But the pathway to Martha Stewart World!
3: The only people at Charter Communications to answer your technical questions who are actually friendly are A) incompetent and B) really, friendly enough to make me want to invite them over for tea and not the stinky ass-smelling Chinese herb kind either.
4: HBO needs some new freaking movies to show because though I love The 40-Year-Old Virgin almost pathologically ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!
5: No amount of lotion smeared on the tips of your nose will prevent horrible nostril chapping fallout from multiple sneezing attacks and endless hours of nose wiping. I'm sure the moms and daycare providers and dads (OK) and others in the company of small children for multiple sicknesses probably have a solution tucked away, but they weren't at my house even though I yelled for them to come over. Didn't you hear me?
6: This Spring Break? About as fun as a snapping turtle clamped on your hand (see above).

1 comment:

Frances said...

yeah, man. i hate them kinda breaks. but at least you got some painting done (not painting of pictures, like i thought but any kinda painting is good). i check roam and rove nine million times a day regardless of whether you there or not. i <3 roam and rove. i <3 you too, man. you my homie. sorry you been sick. sorry too to pat hunt for his loss. this is with xxxxxxxooooooo from frances.